For four months, I had no energy or time to write a blog post. Therefore, I’d like to apologize to my readers for being gone for so long.
I was dealing with a spiritual attack that literally drained physical energy from my body.
I was surprised by the physical exhaustion I felt and was too tired to fight it for almost three months.
During the month of July I realized what was happening to me and began to fight.
Many may ask how does one fight an enemy who can’t be seen with the physical eye?
The first thing I had to do was pray.
My physical energy was so spent that saying simple prayers became more difficult for me. I’d either fall asleep or become so unfocused during my prayers that I’d forget what I was praying about.
There were numerous times I got up during prayer to fulfill some other task and forgot I was in the middle of praying.
Secondly, I had to rid myself, as much as possible, of any and all distractions during the time I needed to be resting.
I have been a morning person for most of my career life.
However, my current job requires me to work from afternoon until late evening; 10 hours and sometimes a little longer.
Most nights, I arrive home just before midnight and although I was tired, it took me forever to actually get in the bed because my mind was focused on what I hadn’t accomplished before going to work.
Once asleep, it seemed everything awakened me.
My adult daughter, who was living with me at the time, came home in the wee hours of the morning and I’d awaken.
My cat suddenly began crying every morning around 6 am like clockwork and I’d awaken.
My new phone made all kinds of notification noises and I’d awaken.
Additionally, every weekend I had my granddaughter, sometimes for all three days.
I love having my granddaughter, but she’s two years old and watching her is a full-time job in itself.
You would not believe some of the things if I told you the enemy used to keep me restless and confused.
Every morning, I’d wake up tired and fight to fall back to sleep until it was almost time for me to go to work. Then I’d rush in the shower, eat on the way out the door and/or in the car, and buy fast food for lunch.
As a result, I became physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
I spent less time communing with Jesus.
My prayers weren’t prayers, but rather worries.
I’m not one who worries and loses sleep over things. But suddenly, when I did get chances to sleep, I would lay awake worrying instead.
I became more isolated because I didn’t have the energy to go to the home group or hang out with friends or even attend church.
I began watching church via live stream and paying my tithes online.
Even when I did spend time with loved ones, I felt tired and found myself yawning a lot.
It may sound strange, but I did find time to pray for others, just not for myself.
Like for my Dad who was struggling with my step mom’s illness and eventually death.
Satan does not mind me praying for others, because he has always tried to make me feel as if others deserved God’s mercy, peace, and love but that I was not deserving of those same compassions.
I had lost my focus, my vision, my passion, and my purpose.
Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish”. I was perishing because my days all ran together and I could not focus.
My days were unplanned, my prayer and reading times were amiss, and I didn’t spend time with much of anyone…I was simply muddling along through my days.
I stopped journaling and I barely had time to read my bible.
Before this all took place, I began writing a book, but quickly halted that project as well.
I didn’t feel compelled to blog because I blog about living life abundantly while Single.
It didn’t feel right when I was battling exhaustion.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever blog again or write again.
I felt isolated. Thoughts of the Father loving me but not liking me enough to release me from my struggles began overtaking me daily.
This spiral continued until one day in late July when the Lord revealed to me the enemy was attacking me with the spirit of weariness.
I was reminded of how Jesus said to Peter in Luke 22:31: “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”
Such a powerful verse of scripture!
Did you notice that Jesus did not call him Peter, but Simon. He didn’t call him the “Rock” as He did before in scripture. He was trying to get Peter’s attention.
And so he called him Simon, not once, but twice.
The Hebrew meaning of the name Simon is the “one who hears or has heard”.
Jesus was saying “listen up and pay close attention”.
I feel as if He was warning me in the same way.
Then he states that Satan has asked for him.
Before the cross, the enemy used to approach the Father to accuse and condemn the brethren.
However, since Jesus became the sacrificial lamb for us and sprinkled the blood on the mercy seat and is seated at the right hand of the Father pleading on our behalves, the enemy can no longer go before the Father to accuse us and ask for us.
Instead, Satan does so by catching us in a weakened state of mind, will, and emotions. That’s not to say that God does not allow things to happen, because we know he allowed Eve to listen to the serpent in her weakened state of confusion and temptation.
Let’s go back to the scripture where we see the verse also states Jesus prayed for Peter.
I believe He was saying, Marilyn, I am praying for you that your faith faileth not and when (not if) you return to me, then you shall strengthen your brother.
Jesus, knew that communally, I had gone too far away from him to be able to blog or strengthen others because I needed strengthening as well.
I had to fight the spirit of weariness to get my strength back.
I had to get back to my roots which even included returning to my church home that I originally moved to Charlotte to attend.
And I’ve been gaining momentum every since.
Yes, some days I still have to fight the spirit of weariness.
Yes, I’m still working the same job and I still get home late, but now I can sleep and I get up at a descent hour to study and pray, run errands, do household chores, pack my lunch and get ready for work.
Yes, I still spend time with my granddaughter, but I’ve also learned the art of saying no.
Yes, my cat still cries at 6 am in the morning, but she now sleeps in a part of the house where I can’t hear her.
I’ve made many other changes as well that has brought peace back to my life and thus given me more energy.
I have rid myself of many distractions and I actually have a scheduled day of rest and rejuvenation every week.
I call it my Sabbatical Seven. Every 7th day I take a sabbatical.
I won’t let anyone or anything get in the way of that day of rest. (Unless of course it’s a true emergency).
Additionally, everywhere I turn the Lord is providing me with what I need during this time.
Even a fellow blogger and prayer warrior, Shade, put me on her prayer list for the month of August to help me win this fight.
In conclusion, at first I did not want to share this on my blog because not too long ago, I blogged about me going through the fire and I thought I had come out.
I did come out of that trial.
But I let my guard down.
As always, I hope somehow others can learn from my testimonies.
No matter what, always protect your connection with Jesus and be sure to guard your heart and mind from distractions.
May God’s love overwhelm you,