Being the Other Woman

Other Woman

I found out something new that I had never heard until recently.

Apparently, the day before Valentine’s Day is now known as “the side chick’s day”.

I guess it has been called that for some time now, but I certainly hadn’t heard of this day until recently. All over the Internet , I came across posts on social media and blogs about this new (to me) “day”.

Don’t believe me?  Just Google “the side chick’s day” and you will find many article’s on the topic.

For reasons of respect, from this point on I will just say the “other woman”.  No one should be called the “side chick”.

I read a couple of posts on Facebook which warned wives to keep their husbands home the day before (and after) Valentine’s Day because he will be with the other woman.

Additionally, one post read, “if your husband is missing on that day, then you know he’s with her”.

Wow!  When did her day become so popular?

Okay, I know she has been around since the Old Testament days.

However, the message I’m seeing all over the media is that another woman’s husband is no longer sacred ground, but instead a challenge and sometimes an all out battle on behalf of available, single women.  Please correct me if I’m wrong.

There’s a new show on television that I decided to watch because it was being hailed as the must-see show for single women. The character is apparently a strong professional woman who’s maternal clock is alarming while she frantically balances work-life, family, and dealing with her feelings of loneliness.

The show is titled “Being Mary Jane” in which Gabrielle Union plays the lead role.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I recorded the show and decided I’d watch it at my leisure.

After watching, I realized that the main focus of the show is not about the overcoming single woman, but was more about Mary Jane’s on-again off-again relationship with a married man.

What really struck me is the amount of sex that seemed to be involved between the two of them, which brings me to my next thought.

As the other woman, what is the main focus of the relationship?  Is it sex?

Additionally and even more shocking were the amount of women displayed at the end of the show who gave interviews on how they were “Mary Jane”.

One lady stated she is Mary Jane because she always gets what she wants.  Really?

I’m shocked at how glamorous being the other woman has become.

However, I’m not judging anyone.  When I originally moved from a small town in the Midwest to the South, it was as if I had a neon flashing sign on my forehead that signaled married men.  I even asked God why was I only attracting married men?

I had to learn not to smile at their compliments and flirtatious gestures for the sake of being kind. Then God allowed me to recognize the heavy spirits of lust on them, which frankly disgusted me.

The spirit of adultery, unfortunately, has been in my lineage for generations.  The enemy has worked overtime to keep that spirit alive in my family.   But now that I recognize the devils plans for my life, he cannot win!

Let’s take a look back at an Old Testament love triangle, which can be found in Genesis 29-30.  It’s the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel.

To summarize the story, when Jacob first laid eyes on Rachel, her beauty overwhelmed him, he instantly fell in love with her, and he knew he had to have her as his wife. Jacob worked for Laban, Rachel’s father, for seven years to gain Rachel as his wife.

After seven years of work, Jacob had earned the right to ask Laban for Rachel’s hand in marriage. Laban decided to throw a bachelor’s party and provided plenty of wine for Jacob and the fellas to drink.

After a night of celebration, Jacob spent the night consummating his love to whom he thought was Rachel. However, when he awakened the next morning, he realized Laban had tricked him into marrying Rachel’s sister, Leah, who was not as beautiful as Rachel.

Jacob was angry with Laban, but still agreed to work for another seven years because of his strong desire for Rachel.

Now, imagine with me how Leah must have felt knowing her husband loved another woman.  The bible actually describes Leah’s pain and rejection by the names she gave the sons she bore with her husband Jacob.

However, even after Jacob was allowed to marry Rachel, the favor of God was so evident on Leah’s life that Rachel became very bitter and jealous of Leah.

You see, there is always a price to pay for being the other woman.

You may say, but Jacob loved Rachel.  True.

However, God honored Leah’s marriage to Jacob more than he honored Jacob’s love and physical attraction for Rachel.  The bible says in Genesis 29:31 “And when the Lord saw that Leah was despised, He made her able to bear children, but Rachel was barren” (AMP).

Leah’s faithfulness and loyalty to Jacob had to have softened his heart.  I believe Jacob began to love Leah the way she always wanted to be loved.  By the time Leah had Jacob’s sixth son, she was so confident in Jacob’s love for her that she simply stated Soli Deo GloriaI will praise the Lordand she named him Judah which means “praise”.

She wasn’t beautiful like Rachel.  Yet, he adored her ability to patiently wait for his heart, while he patiently waited for Rachel’s, and she loved him unconditionally still.

The Leah of the new millennium probably looks slightly different.  She works hard to make her house a home…sometimes working a job outside of the home to make ends meet, preparing meals for the family, washing her family’s laundry, running errands, taking the kids to doctor’s appointments and after-school activities, cleaning the house, and finding time to be intimate with her husband as well as much more.

Most days, she’s a little tired and worn and her body is unforgiving in boldly displaying it’s weariness. Unlike Leah in the bible, she has no hand-maiden’s to help care for her children and chores around the home.

But not the other woman.  As in Mary Jane’s case, she’s never too tired for him and she sets time aside for him whenever he desires to see her.

Some may be thinking how some of the other women have children, jobs, errands, etc. as well as the wife.  I’m sure many do.

However, she doesn’t have the responsibility of maintaining a marriage on a full-time basis.

I was once married, so I’m speaking from experience. Marriage is work.

But let’s take a look back at Rachel.  For many years, Rachel’s heart was hardened towards Leah because Leah could birth Jacob’s children and she could not.

Additionally, I imagine some of the bitterness manifested as a result of Leah being the first wife. Like the man on Mary Jane, Jacob was probably telling Rachel that he wasn’t sleeping with his wife.  But every time Leah became pregnant, the truth painfully revealed itself.

After all, Jacob’s name was defined as swindler and cheat before he became the man of God he was called to be. Then God changed his name to Israel.

Nonetheless, God is so good to us. No matter what type of sin we are in, He is able and willing, if we allow Him, to forgive us and pour out so much mercy and grace on us, even for the other woman.

After a time, I imagine after Rachel’s heart softened towards Leah, the bible says God remembered her and opened her womb to allow her to birth Jacob a son named Joseph.

Even still, Rachel’s life was shortened and she died while birthing a second son, Benjamin, for Jacob.

This story says to me that being the other woman comes with a hefty price.  Whenever I read in the bible that a man had more than one wife, I always find that he had many troubles.

Sarah told Abraham the other woman had to go. Yes, it was her fault that Abraham was involved with Hagar. But she later realized her mistake and decided to protect her son’s future and the lineage of their family and told her husband that the other woman had to go.

Like Jacob, your lover began a relationship with you because he saw the potential of sexual interactions with you before they ever began. Men are by nature physical creatures.  Women are led more by their emotions, according to the bible.

Jacob fell in love with Rachel because she was gorgeous.  She probably had everything a man desires in all the right places.

However, Jacob was not a fool.  He recognized the favor of God on Leah’s life and fell in love with their family. Additionally, Leah became very important in the bible because along with Rachel’s two sons, her six sons went on to be a part of the 12 tribes of Israel.  Not only did she bless him with six sons, but a daughter (Dinah) as well.

However, the most important part of Leah’s story is that she birthed Judah (Praise) into the world through whose bloodline our Savior, Jesus Christ, was born.

Who would have ever thought that someone who was undesirable and rejected could be in the lineage of our Lord?

If you are involved with a married man, please ask yourself this one question:  If you told him that you no longer wanted to have sex with him, would he continue to hang around?

God is very capable of blessing you with a husband of your own who will love you; the whole you without limitations.  He won’t have to go home to a wife, he can attend public events with you in the same town, and he can display public affection towards you in front of your family as well as his without limitations.

More importantly, I would like to ask women not to be a man’s excuse for breaking up his marriage.  If his marriage is in trouble, don’t let his problem become yours.  You will someday have to account for your role in causing “your brother to stumble” (Mark 9:42).

Anyhow, you deserve better!  Don’t choose to accept the leftovers from another woman’s table when God is offering you a full buffet of love directly from His throne.

Like Leah, wouldn’t you rather have the favor of God on your life?

Better yet, think about your children and and your grandchildren.  If your lineage is anything like mine, Satan will come for them with the spirit of adultery  for your daughters and the spirit of lusts for your sons, if you choose not to put an end to it .  The bible tells us that generational curses (the sins of our fathers/mothers) visit one generation after another.

I believe that God desires to pour an abundance of love and grace and mercy on the other woman because He understands her desire to be loved.  That’s exactly how the Father yearns for our love.

Will you return to your First Love, your Maker, your Husband?  He is waiting with open arms.

May God’s love overwhelm you,

Marilyn J.


6 thoughts on “Being the Other Woman”

  1. Hi Marilyn! Wow, this was an incredibly interesting post to me. I had no idea that there was a day set aside for ‘the other woman.’ I guess I must be hiding under a rock or something. I am so glad that you said it straight, why accept crumbs when you can have a banquet?

    I can’t imagine the pain of being cheated on, or the burden of knowing I would break up a family. I think we all have to reach down deep and remember we are all related in the kingdom of God. Would you treat your sister this way?

    Bless you for your very clear-eyed thoughts. I loved this post.

    1. Ceil, I guess I was hiding under that rock next to you because I was totally surprised also. You posed a good question “Would you treat your sister this way?”. Thanks for reading and all of your support. God bless you Ceil!

  2. Marilyn, let me tell you how much I’ve enjoyed your post…

    It was so good that it felt like I was reading a novel, curled up in a cozy chair.

    It’s ashamed that marriages have to fight twice as hard to keep out extra relationships. There’s only a handful of people who really honor their marriage vows and don’t mind keeping it sacred.

    1. Antoinette, you are absolutely right that it is a fight. The enemy hates marriage because it was designed by God. I’m glad you enjoyed reading my post. Many blessings to you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s