Being single is not a disease!

Singleness is not a disease

Have you ever had people approach your singleness as if you were diseased?

I’ve heard it all.  People give me the once-over look as if to say “she looks okay, so why is she still single?”.  I’ve been told that something must be wrong with me or I must be doing something wrong.  Yet others have noted that I seem to have my “act together” but the state of my singleness leaves them puzzled in their minds like a mystery that needs to be solved.

I always think to myself, people just watch too many movies.  Let me explain.  In most movies, the single girl is usually successful and hardworking, but lacking contentment in her life because she doesn’t have a husband and/or children?

Then Mr. Wonderful comes along who happens to be the handy man, the hired-help, the manny (man nanny), or even the playboy who doesn’t know yet that he wants to settle down until he meets her.

Let me introduce you to the weak female featured in movies.  She was a nerd in high school, the black sheep of the family, the dim-witted secretary of a very mean boss who refuses to give her a raise and can’t get a man to look her way, let alone capture a date.

Again, Mr. Wonderful, the one who wouldn’t give her a second thought in school, the boy-next-door now turned CEO of a major firm, or lawyer she hired for a lawsuit ends up spending so much time with her that he suddenly finds the beauty in her and falls in love.

Okay, I admit I’m a fan of the Hallmark Channel.  🙂

The point is the women portrayed is never content with who they are until they find a man or until prince charming finds them.

Paul said in Philippians 4:11 “I have learned in whatever state that I am in therewith to be content”.  If you are single in this season of your life, then Paul reminds us to be content even in this season.

Contentment is defined as a: “state of mind in which one’s desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim 6:6; 2 Cor 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16)…anxiety (Matt 6:25,34), and repining (1 Cor 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility…”
(from Easton’s Bible Dictionary, PC Study Bible formatted electronic database Copyright © 2003, 2006 Biblesoft, Inc. All rights reserved.)
In other words, contentment is a state of mind that opposes envy, anxiety, and repining (complaining and/or fretting).  Our contentment arises from our inner being, deep within ourselves and is the result of being humble.

So don’t let others label you as unlovable, weak, defective, or diseased.

You are none of those.  But you are strong  because you made a conscious and decisive choice to not envy, to not be anxious, neither to complain, nor fret.

As Singles, if we desire to be married, we should be praying for our husbands even now.

However, we are not to put our lives on hold until he finds us.  We are to live fruitful and productive lives like the Proverbs 31 woman of the bible.

But most of all we should spend so much time cultivating our relationship with Christ that we resemble Him.  Our desire is to be more like Him and to have His character ingrained in our total being.

Therefore, when your husbands finds you, he will know you are the one.

How will he know I am the one?

As a man of God who loves the Lord and has spent time with Him as well, your husband should be able to recognize you by the Christ that is in you. He will know you by your fruit (Matthew 7:20). 

In return, as a woman of God who has spent time in His presence, you will know him by his fruit also.

The fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22,23; Eph 5:9; James 3:17,18) are those gracious dispositions and habits which the Spirit produces in those in whom he dwells and works.
(from Easton’s Bible Dictionary, PC Study Bible formatted electronic database Copyright © 2003, 2006 Biblesoft, Inc. All rights reserved.)

Like Esther, we are being prepared for our heavenly king and our earthly king (husband).

But you must spend time with Christ to:

1)  get to know your First Love (Rev 2:4)

2) be content in Him

3) have the character of Christ in you.

Don’t allow others to define who you are.  Be defined by the Word of God.  Know who you are in Him.

And remember, singleness is not a disease and dating the wrong guy is definitely not the cure!

I pray His love overwhelms you,

Marilyn J.


15 thoughts on “Being single is not a disease!”

    1. Vernon, thank you for reading and commenting on my post. In addition, I love your post as well and appreciate you linking yours with mine. You actually mentioned me, the me before I realized my worth in Christ Jesus, when you stated “The effort to learn and to love self first, through honest self-examination, comes from God alone. When a person deprive them-self from self-love and self-respect they cling to people; anyone”. And that is why I continued the cycle of choosing the wrong men. It was only when God had to get my attention by giving me dreams about the men I was dating (half-man half-pig, addiction to pornography, etc.) that I began to understand His love for me. He cared so much for me that he warned me about the men I was dating. Now, I don’t date. If God blesses me to marry again, Amen. If He doesn’t, Amen. Regardless, I will continue to encourage others who are single, whether for a season, or for life.
      Blessings to you and your family,
      Marilyn J.

  1. Marilyn, thank you for your insightful post! As a single man who is preparing and making himself ready (for whenever God allows me and my future bride to cross paths) I appreciate your insight! it encourages me that there ARE women of God who are preparing to meet their future husbands.

    I think that the “singleness syndrome” is not just unique to females, but something that men also struggle with. I get a lot of those “looks” and “helpful comments” because I have a lot of married friends, but you encourage your readers that the only relationship that needs to define us is our relationship with our Creator!

    1. Shane, thank you for reading and commenting on my post. I appreciate you providing a male perspective on the “singleness syndrome” and I’m encouraged to know there are men preparing themselves as well.

      Be blessed,
      Marilyn J.

  2. Amen to that sister!! And like my first lady Twanna Henderson says: I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED IN HIM(THE LORD)!! Everything else…icing on da cake!!! When we seek him,he opens our eyes about these Bipolar weirdos frm 50 miles away!!

    1. Linda, you are hilarious and that’s why I love our friendship. I am in agreement with your first lady. Jesus is the complete package! Amen!
      Thanks for stopping by my blog.
      Be blessed,
      Marilyn J.

  3. Another awesome teaching. It is so good I was looking for the offering plate!!!!!!!! Love you Sis, keep teaching.

    1. Thank you Ashley for the encouragement. I’m actually enjoying this single life and getting kind of spoiled by God during this season of my life. It will definitely have to be 100% God for me to remarry again. 🙂 I’m not against it, but I’m just enjoying life the way it is right now.

  4. Amen, sister!! I had this question asked to me over Thanksgiving by a family member. “You got a boyfriend yet?” No. “Why not?” I don’t need one, says I. I agree. People watch too many romantic movies! I’m as romantic as the gal, but I don’t want to live my life in a fantasy waiting for Prince Charming to rescue me from my dull life and give me an identity. I can have a life now! Why wait? 🙂 Great post!!!

  5. Reblogged this on Single & Content and commented:

    I wrote this post some time ago, but thought it’s message is relevant to the upcoming Valentine’s Day. As Singles, we sometimes feel ignored during this holiday. However, rejection is a lie from the enemy. We are not rejected, but accepted in the Beloved!
    In fact, I believe we have the right to enjoy this holiday as much as anyone else. Buy yourself some chocolates, get a mani-pedi, order a special dinner and light some candles, or hang out with your girlfriends.
    Whatever this weekend brings, choose to do something special for YOU.
    We have to ensure we celebrate ourselves at every opportunity, because our Father does.
    Yep! The bible says in Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT) “For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
    If the Father is rejoicing and singing over us, then why shouldn’t we do the same? View this Valentine’s Day as a gift from God. He is our special Valentine and our First Love. The bible even calls Him our Husband (Isaiah 54:5)! Amen!
    Happy Valentine’s Day!
    As always, may His love overwhelm you!

  6. Hi Marilyn! I love that first point, “Get to know your first love.” That is quote-worthy! And not allowing other people to define you is such wisdom for everyone. We have our identity in the Lord, and some people cannot and do not see that.

    The Lord thinks we are perfect right where we are. He made us, and loves what he created. It it takes a while for someone else to see that, then that’s what God wants. He’ll make sure we get what we need in his time. Patience is so hard though…but that’s why it’s a virtue, not a right.
    Happy Valentines Day to you my friend…perfectly beautiful in his sight. And a wonderful blog-friend to me.

    1. Ceil, I love your comment. Especially your statement about how God will “make sure we get what we need in his time”. And you wowed me with patience is a virtue, not a right. I’ve never heard that before, but it’s so true. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and the for the wonderful blog-friendship we’ve formed. Many blessings to you Ceil!

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